Notes to Man's Best Friend
Monday, October 14, 2013
10:13AM - To my sweet little barkers
My dear sweet little barkers,
You are such a joy to have, all four of you. I love watching you play and sleep and sleep and play. But I must talk to you about your barking. I don't mind that you, Babette with your stubby legs and barrel body, bark at Charlie, Yoda, and Olivia when they run and wrestle. It's rather enduring. I don't mind that you all go crazy when someone strange comes to the door and rings the door bell. It's rather entertaining to see if you scared the stranger away or to see if they decided to stand their ground three feet away from the front door. I can even tolerate the frenzied barking when the mailman comes, though I'd rather you not do that. I understand. It is the job of a dog to go crazy when the mailman comes. But must you watch and wait for the mail truck? Really, it does take the mailman some time to get to our house. She can't hear you from so far away.
And let me remind you how much I love each and every one of you. I however, would prefer that you cut back on your barking. For instance, not every truck is a delivery truck. There's no need to bark at every truck, and car for that matter. Maybe wait to bark when you SEE the truck and not hear the truck. You'll find you're quite mistaken about what kind of truck it is when you just go by sound. I can understand that you feel the need to bark at the dogs that people walk down our street. Okay, I can put up with that. It'd be great if you'd stop barking when I tell you, but I can put up with this. But you people KNOW that at 7:30 am and 3 pm people, especially kids who like to make weird noises, will be passing our house because they are going to and returning from school. You know that they will pass and they shouldn't be strangers anymore.
And let me remind you that we have neighbors, and these neighbors like to hang out in their backyards. Olivia, I'm talking to you. There's no need to go ballistic if our neighbor decides to do some yard work or call for her lost kitty. Neighbors are not strangers. No need to torture them with your high pitched howling. Also, we do have neighbor dogs. That doesn't mean you have to bark every time Max next door barks. That poor dog is all alone when his family is at work and stuck outside. He needs something to do. There's no need to join him.
Please take the hint that your barking is getting on my nerves when you feel that spray of water and the word, "no". You all know what "no" means. Please stop when I ask, that would be quite kind of you. And I'd feel like you respect my alpha dog authority. Just give me that one illusion. So if you feel that spray of water, please cease from barking the first time. I know you don't like it and I don't like doing it. Also, I hate the smell of wet dog. Sometimes I think I'm punishing myself.
You are sweet kind dogs, all four of you, even you, Yoda, who likes to growl at everyone. I love you all. Just please show me your love by cutting back on the barking. Thank you.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
12:14AM - Dear Dragonfly
3 years ago I saw a video with NanaBorderCollie at 1st time. And I was really surprised. I have never seen border collies before and tricks like this. The dog was dancing, put her toys in a box and made a lot of other tricks. It was fantastic and I I thought that someday I will have a dog like this.
One year later I met you and it was really difficult, because I did not know anything about dog training and dog sports.
But we did a great work: visited a lot of trainings and competitions. Now I am very proud of you! You are my champion!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
11:35AM - Minnie, you little weirdo...
I adore you. Really I do. However we need to work on a few of your quirks.
I get that you want to be the Alpha Dog, and with Shiloh and Teddybear having crossed Rainbow Bridge you really are the only candidate for that. Poor old Lainie with her one eye going blind and her gentle sweet disposition isn't interested in being the boss. Poor Max ended up with an ulcer thinking he had to be the boss and is more than glad to have you take the lead. That being said, female dogs really aren't built to hike their legs when they pee. You're just going to make a mess and fall over so maybe you could go back to squatting m'kay?
Next, I know being a stray and then being in the pound has giving you a cast iron stomach that can handle anything. However those days are past and you get the good food now. Imagine my shock (and disgust) when after I feed you lamb with rice and veggies I find you digging through the cat pan for a snack. Ick. I know you now have access to the litter box, but that's because I had to take out the baby gate so the elderly cat could get to it. It was not an invitation to the buffet. If you do it again I will have to yell at you again and neither one of us wants that.
Also if you are going snacking in the cat pan you have zero reasons to get upset when I won't let you give me kisses.
The provider of bacon treats
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
8:42PM - Dear Scampy
Dear Scampy, my little brother, and dearest friend,
I know we don't talk as much as we used to when you were home, and I'm sorry for that.
I'm writing today to tell you that Nana and Popo will be coming to stay with you.
They both left within a couple weeks of each other.
Before Popo left he had mentioned how much he missed you and wanted to see you again.
Once the cancer took him, Nana sold the house.
Her heart just couldn't take being without you and Popo, and she followed him.
Now you will all be together again.
The house and gardens are all gone, replaced by bulldozers and piles of dirt.
Your tree, dog house, and lawn chair are gone too.
My best friend, Charles, just passed away of the same brain cancer that took Popo from me.
I took his place at his farm with his roommate, to help take care of the animals he left behind.
One by one all the animals on the farm were given away.
Chance, his favorite horse got sick and had to be put down, only a month before Charles really went down hill.
I got the call at work that he would not make it though the night, I stood with him as long as I could but then went home to tend to the animals.
He lasted 3 more days, he seemed better, but we all knew that his pancreas had failed and it was only a matter of days.
He died the day after his 49th birthday, on Canada Day of this year, July 1st.
And Duncan, my other friend, just lost his wife in december.
Not much is left here for me, and I am not sure why I have been left behind.
What triggered me to write this was a realistic dream I just had, while taking a nap after feeding Charles's last horse and donkey whom won't be here much longer as Banner (the horse) is too old to give away (49 the same age as Charles) and Donkey is going to Maine, (Banner is to be put down before winter, soon after donkey and there is nothing I can do to stop it as it is not in my hands)
Anyway, the dream was that I had woken up to voices downstairs, and as real as could be, I walked down and got to the dining room door, before I opened it I heard a familiar laugh, it was Charles's laugh...
I slowly opened the door, and my Nana, Popo, Mandy, and friend Charles were in there all were sitting accept for Charles, who was pouring wine for Mandy.
They all looked up at me and said "HEeeeEEEEY!" and beckoned me in as they would have if they were really there.
The smell of the food and sounds were so realistic, so true to life.
Then I saw you, Scampy.
You came running out from under the table, tail wagging and happy as could be, running up to greet me.
That's when I woke up, sobbing, as I am right now.
I have been reduced to a sobbing, sniveling, wreck.
I want nothing more then to be with you guys again.
I have been numbly rehearsing the day's routines and trying desperately to keep my mind occupied with simple little hobbies that are meaningless.
I don't know why I am here, but it was good to see you again my friend.
I miss you terribly and I want to hold you again.
Good bye dear friend, be good, and never forget that I will always love you.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
1:16AM - Dear Emily . . .
I am so very proud of you for how you handled that swarm of kids this evening! Kudos! You didn't bark (until I set you back down and you wanted to run and play with them) when they first approached, you let me pick you up and let them pet you. You were patient with them, even when they were afraid to touch you. BRAVA!
You are loved, so much. Thank you for being such a wonderful doggie.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
8:30AM - Injured
Boys, I promise that no one wants to take you for a walk or jog more than I do. I *wish* we could load up and hit the trail for a run. Unfortunately we have to wait till this deep cut in my knee is healed, or at least let me get off the crutches. Trying to lead me to the door won't change that. Not even sitting hopefully at that door will change the fact that I can't take you out for a walk while wearing an immobilizer and walking on crutches. That's what happens when Mommy falls on a rock and cuts herself down to the patella.
How about this though, I'll take you to your vet appointment this morning somehow, then take you to daycare to play. Deal? Just relax for another 30 or so minutes please?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
10:47AM - My Sweet Charly
I'm glad you are in my life. You are a very special dog. I love when you come running to me when I call you, your legs pumping, ears flapping, a smile on your face. I love that you let our new puppy, Olivia, climb all over you and chew on your beard. It makes my heart swell that you have more than accepted her into our family. And I know she loves you a lot by the way she follows you around and wants to always be with you.
I love you very much even though you don't listen to me very well. I know that this is my fault because I make a bad Alpha. You're just so cute, you look like a Muppet. I just wish you wouldn't bark crazy at other dogs who pass by the window and the mail person. You get Yoda going and then it becomes dog frenzy. I really don't want you to teach that to Olivia. I don't know what to do. I've tried yelling. I've spoken to you in a nice good-dog-you-can-stop-barking-now voice. I shook the can with pennies in it and squirted you with vinegar water (though your hair was too long for you to notice) to distract you from the window. I even tried getting you to stop with your favorite treats. What can I do? How can I be a better Alpha to you? You are a smart dog, which is probably why you don't listen to me. You know I'll give in to you cos you are my fluffy muppet dog and I know you've had a hard life before you came to me. I'm happy to have you in my life. I'd be happier if you'd listen to me. =P
Friday, October 19, 2012
10:13AM - beautiful mornings
The best thing about mornings is waking up to your beautiful brown eyes that are truly the windows to your soul and your permanent bed head body. There are no bad mornings with you. I am sorry I didn't give you a real name like I did Charly and Olivia. Well, I did give you a real name, Soda Dakota, but no one wanted to call you that. You did look like Yoda when you were a puppy so.... Anyhow, you don't seem to mind so I guess it's okay. You are a blessing in my life, and the cutest dog (even cuter than 12 week-old Olivia who is as cute as a button) ever. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
With All My Love,
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
3:54PM - Dear Sweet Olivia,
Olivia, Olivia, Olivia. What can I say? It's fantastic watching you reach all your milestones, and I'm very proud of you. My heart swells with pride. When you peed consistently on the puddle pad at 7 weeks old, I was thrilled. When you did your business outside when I put you down, I couldn't think of anything greater. When you were 9 weeks old and learned to play fetch, I thought, "WOW! Fetch at such an early age?". And then when you were 10 weeks, you figured out how to knock down all the baby gates that have kept Yoda (2) and Charly (5) out of the cat zone for the last 2 years just so you could see what was on the other side. I thought, "Danm, what a smart dog!" At 11 weeks you were able to catch up with Charly and Yoda and play with the "big guys" even though you were so small, what courage you have! Now, at 12 weeks and only as long as my thighs, you can jump up on the couch all by yourself. You're growing up.
I just have one question. Why do you think it's okay to jump up on the couch just to pee on it when there are several puddle pads around that house? Really, the couch? The cushions can't be turned over. That is very thoughtless of you. Please, please, please, Olivia, USE THE PUDDLE PADS OR GO OUTSIDE! I would greatly appreciate that.
With All My Love,
Saturday, October 13, 2012
1:22PM - Churchill
Ok, I increased your food and yet you're still managing to just run it off. I wish I had your metabolism, but baby you'd look better with a little more weight on you so now you're going back on 34% protein meals. Think you can keep some weight on you with that?
Seriously, I thought my high energy Doberman was hard to keep weight on, but you? Wow. Just. Wow. If I didn't know better I'd think you had a tapeworm (but you don't). Tell you what, how about you take a couple more naps and run a little less?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
8:06PM - Bulldogs are Bullheaded.
Please, please, please don't wake me up just to crap on the carpet at 4AM again! I know you don't like being with me anywhere near as much as you like being with mom, but I'm all you got right now. She'll be back tomorrow. Until then, when I try to take you outside, please, please please don't give me a "Screw you" look and turn around just to go hunker down in your crate. It was easier moving the mastiffs from their crates than it is you, bully girl! And I know you must at least have to pee!
Just one more day, Mox. Please be nice to me until then.
- The Substitute Owner
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
11:21PM - Dear Kirby ((AGAIN)),
Though I find it absolutely adorable that you're circling the island in our kitchen, looking for food that accidentally fell on the floor, it is not, however, okay to sniff the back of my bare legs, once I stand up, and lick them, for I am VERY ticklish there.
What? You did it on PURPOSE!!?
Ohhh, you naughty naughty dog....
(The ever ticklish)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
...Oh, Hi there.
Did you want to tell me it's thundering and lightning otuside and you want me to stay close?
You say you'd rather velcro yourself to my legs and follow me from one end of the house to the other while the storm is heard outside?
Sure! I wasn't planning on using my feet any time soon, old man.
P.S. -- I'm deeply concidering getting you a Thundershirt, you whiny little baby whom I love so much...XD
Thursday, August 30, 2012
10:19PM - Chill, Dog.
Baby Girl, Fuzzbutt, Bully Girl, Furface, Miss Sensitive... I know it's hot out. It's been hot out nearly ever day of your 7 years here with us. We live in Texas. This is per the norm. For 7 years you knew this and knew all the different ways you could cool off, like laying in that nice spot near the freezer or in front of the fan.
So why the hell did you pick this year to suddenly forget how to cool off?! Wanting to lay out in the hot sun does nothing but make you hotter, dammit. As does constantly trying to keep active. Laying back front of the fan inside the air conditioned house, however, aids in cooling you off. Like it has all these years. Take a damn nap in front of it! You'll feel better! I promise!
Oh, and that fly on your butt? Wasn't trying to eat your non-existent tail. Stop spazzing.
*sigh* You are the weirdest dog...
But I love you.
- The One Who's Meals You Constantly Wish to Share
Monday, August 6, 2012
9:45PM - My silly silly mutt
When it's pouring rain out or 20 below zero or 90 degrees with high humidity, why does it take you over 20 minutes just to find a place to pee. But tonight, when it's a lovely clear night, 67 degrees with low humidity, you find a place to pee in 2 minutes and head back in.
I wouldn't have minded spending a bit more time outside tonight, but those other days? Yeah I'd love to get out there and get back into the dry/heat/AC/whatever as quickly as possible.
I love you girly. Sometimes you just make no sense.
Love you lots,
Saturday, July 7, 2012
10:34PM - Dear Kirby
My dear sweet Kirby,
Yes, I know you want to outside and sit, but, sweetie! It's just too hot for an old man Wheaten Terrier like you~! There's this thing called a heat wave going on right now that could potentially hurt you if you stay out too long. You're not a puppy anymore, mister.
....Yes, I KNOW the master is outside and working too, but he needs to be inside too~! NO, the pistachios are not for you to eat! The last time you ate them you got sick and threw them back up! And you wonder why I tell you to stop doing so many things.
Believe it or not, my little growly grumpy pants, I do love you with all of my heart, but I'm just looking out for you! Even if you do cling to our mama more than me when it's thunder storming outside, you spoiled rotten little goober. ((He has two beds in the house...one in the den and one in the office, and he is spoiled rotten to the core...toys all OVER the place and cookies are hidden for "just because" moments and he has a bowl for water outside AND inside...XD))
Your sister that knows she's higher up than you...somehow
Friday, February 10, 2012
I love you and love when you want to snuggle. I also love that you know my routine so well that you know when it's bedtime and when it's time to get up however, because you know I'm going to get up in 10 minutes is not a good reason to wake me up by licking my face so I'll be awake before my alarm clock goes off. That's what my alarm is for. Please contain your love until I've woken up either by my own volition or the alarm. Thanks.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Ok, where did you put my phone? C'mon, I know it was you. I would never lose anything...
While I'm on the subject, how did my nice fleece get in your bed?
Why are you so surrounded in mysteries?
You make a great pillow, though!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
3:44PM - Dear Sadie
I'm trying to feel sorry for you for the pain you feel after inhaling a cream cheese stuffed jalapeno wrapped in bacon, but I'm laughing too hard.
Here princess, drink the milk. Trust mommy, drink the milk. Fine, have a piece of cheese. Ok fine, chew some ice...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
7:11AM - Morning
Churchill puppy, honestly when I feed you in the morning it means breakfast time, not "wander around whining that it's not time for walkies." Walkies will happen, AFTER you eat your breakfast and I get my coffee.
Also, I promise I am capable of going to the bathroom without an escort. Really. You don't have to follow me into the bathroom every time. I'll find it. I won't disappear through a tesseract. I will emerge from the bathroom unscathed.
By the way, tonight is your first day of puppy classes. Please try to remember at least some of the things I've taught you over the past few months. I know you'll be all excited by the other puppies and everything, but try.
Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)